


The Styles Guide To Being Beautiful

by Ever Since New York (flarrow_huntbastian)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anorexia, Anorexic Harry Styles, Blogger Harry Styles, Blogging, Bulimia, Bulimic Harry Styles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Harry Styles, Happy Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles Loves Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles Needs a Hug, Help, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Louis Tomlinson Loves Harry Styles, M/M, Sad Harry Styles, Sad Louis Tomlinson, Supportive Liam Payne, Supportive Louis Tomlinson, Supportive Niall Horan, Supportive Zayn Malik, Video
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25204516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flarrow_huntbastian/pseuds/Ever%20Since%20New%20York
Summary: Harry Styles, member of One Direction and all around rock star decides to start doing a series of live streams.  In which he opens up about his eating disorders and his life in general, with the help of special guests such as his loving boyfriend, Louis, his amazing sister, Gemma, his caring mother, Anne, his brilliant friends, Liam, Niall, Zayn, Ed and others.Welcome to an inside look at Harry Style's life in a series he's named 'The Styles Guide To Being Beautiful'
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 32





	1. VIDEO ONE

“Hey everyone! Welcome to my live stream! I hope you’re all having a wonderful day. If you didn’t know my name is Harry Harry Styles and I… well… I promised myself I wouldn’t get too emotional saying this” He laughs to himself quietly. He moves to wipe his eyes and take a deep breath before continuing to talk.

“My name is Harry Styles and I’m anorexic.”

“I was officially diagnosed just short of two years ago and I’ve been in recovery for just eight months.” 

“Now I know what you're thinking… What was I doing for those sixteen months inbetween being diagnosed and starting recovery… well… I was in denial.”   
  
“I was also on tour with my closest friends in the entire world…” he sighs, “there simply wasn’t time to get better and if I’m honest… even if there was time, I didn’t want to.”

Harry lets out a heavy breath and looks away from the camera.

He looks back sighing again before taking a sip of water.

“So this is the beginning of a video series I’m doing. About my… well… my illness… my anorexia… hopefully this will help others who are struggling.”

He sipped his water again before starting to talk.

“In this series I’m going to talk to you about my illness. Telling you about my experience with it.” Harry began, “I was going to start by telling you about my personal experience but I… I don’t think I’m ready for that…”   
Harry sipped his water again.

“So, instead I’m going to just tell you my diagnosis and a bit about each thing.” He said.

Harry looked away from the camera again taking a few deep shaky breaths and another sip of water. He carefully ran his hand through his hair with trembling hands.

“So, I have multiple diagnoses. There’s anorexia nervosa, body dysmorphia, bulimia nervosa.” He spoke slowly trying not to mess up the words.

“Reading out my diagnosis like this is hard for me. Just being able to say I have anorexia, bulimia and body dysmorphia is a huge thing for me and that’s why I’ve chosen not to get too into personal details in this live stream.”

“So, I got diagnosed with anorexia two year ago, as I said.” He began, “But, I got diagnosed with body dysmorphia when I was sixteen.” He quickly added, “If you don’t know I’m twenty now.”

“Yeah, it was a few months after One Direction got together as a band. It was Liam that called me out on it but I’ll talk about all of that in more detail another time.” He brushed it off quickly. “So that was two years before I was officially diagnosed with anorexia. Then I was diagnosed with bulimia about six months after my anorexia diagnosis.”

Harry took another quick sip of water and ran his hand through his hair again. His hands were lightly trembling.

“So, those of you who don’t know. Here’s a little info on each of my diagnoses. Number one is body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia or body dysmorphic disorder, BDD is a mental health condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about flaws in their appearance. For me in particular, I tend to see myself as considerably larger than I am and it’s a… it’s a real struggle.” He let out another breath, “No matter how many times people tell me I’m good looking or handsome, or when doctors tell me I’m a healthy weight or underweight, all I can see is an overweight male with too much fat.”

Harry took a sip of water.

“Number two is anorexia. Anorexia nervosa. The term anorexia literally means ‘loss of appetite’ however, it’s more than that. I mean, most anorexics are hungry but refuse food anyway as they have an intense fear of becoming fat and see themselves as overweight even when they’re very thin.” He briefly looked away from the camera before looking back, “That’s why most anorexic people have body dysmorphia as well.”

“Finally there's bulimia. Bulimia is an eating disorder and mental health condition. People with it try to control their weight by severely restricting the amount of food they eat. Then they binge eat, over eat, and purge the food from their bodies by making themselves vomit or using laxatives.”   
Harry took another sip of his water.

“So, I. Louis will be home soon so I should wrap this up. I know this hasn’t been that long for a live stream but I… uh… for me this was a lot.” He looked away from the camera again briefly, “It’s a difficult topic for me to discuss but I’m trying and I hope you can appreciate it.”   
“I love you all so much. Thank you for watching. Goodnight.” He signed off. 

Pressing the stop stream button on his laptop.

As soon as it was over he let out a heavy, shaky sigh, closing the lid of his laptop curling himself into a ball on the sofa. 

The door to the flat opened but Harry couldn’t bring himself to look up at the man that’d just walked in. He knew it was Louis.

“Hey H.” He called as he put his bag down, not realising that Harry was in the same room as him.

He hung his scarf up on the hook with his coat before walking into the living room to see Harry on the sofa.

“Harry love, are you okay?” He asked, slipping onto the sofa next to Harry, carefully pulling the young boy onto his lap.

Harry didn’t respond. He just lay there silent, letting Louis hold him and comfort him.

Louis knew when Harry decided to come forward about his problem it would be hard on him but he knew that what Harry needed right now was support and comfort. Support and comfort he wishes Harry had been given so much sooner.


	2. VIDEO TWO

“Hey everyone. Louis here!” He began, smiling into the camera, “I know you were probably expecting Harry on here as this is his series but after yesterday's stream he needed some time to think over things and so I said I’d step in.” Louis explained, still smiling lightly.

“When Harry first spoke about him starting this series we always discussed me doing some of the streams, however, the ideas we had were intended to go ahead later. For example, I was going to talk about my experience in helping Harry and how I found out but, since Harry has yet to actually tell you what happened I can’t really make that stream just yet.” Louis explained, “and so, instead I’ll be talking about eating disorder behaviours. Before this stream I spoke to the guys to find out what behaviours they saw Harry doing that tipped them off to his eating disorder. I then compiled a list of five behaviours to look out for.”

Louis took a quick sip of water before continuing to talk.

“Now, not every behaviour will apply to everyone with an eating disorder but they may help you to recognise someone who is struggling and you may need to keep a closer eye on.”

Louis pulled up a notepad and turned to look at the camera.

“I have a list!” He smiled brightly, clearly proud of himself “So let’s begin.”

He looked down reading off his notepad before looking back up at the camera.

“Number one was something Niall first noticed. Always chewing gum.” Louis began, “If you haven’t noticed, Harry is always chewing gum both on and off stage. I don’t think I noticed this as I lived with Harry so it was just the norm but when we were on tour Niall and Liam noticed how odd it was.”

Louis took in a deep breath.

“Then we all noticed he had a bit of an obsession with gum when we were on the tour bus and Harry had trashed his part of the bus. We’d all been out getting food and we came back and he was in tears on the floor… I remember how scary it was as he had truly lost it. He was crying pulling at his hair. Liam was holding him trying to stop him from hurting himself.” 

Louis looked away from the camera before looking back.

“Once he’d calmed down he said he had to go to the shop and that he wasn’t going to be long.” Louis sighed, “He was gone for an hour… the shop was only five minutes away… when he returned he only had one plastic bag with him. When I asked what was in it he wouldn’t tell me.” 

Louis took a sip of water, sighing.

“When he went out I found out it was literally just mint, sugar free gum. He’d spend about twenty quid on just gum.”

Louis looked down at his notepad again before looking back at the camera.

“Okay, number two was drinking excessive water. This is one that all of us noticed, especially on tour.” Louis looked off to the side before looking back at the camera.

“Harry used to take a six hundred mill bottle of water to bed with him every night. Now and again I’d be woken up by him refilling the bottle, which in theory is normal. However, when I spoke to the guys they all said how Harry had woken them up more than once refiling it. Sometimes multiple times a night. He also used to drink an insane amount in the day. He always had a bottle with him, no matter where we were or what we were doing.”   
Louis continued, “But, he used to get really touchy about it. I remember once Niall made a joke about how much water he drank and Harry kicked off. He shouted at Niall and then stormed off to his bunk. No matter how hard any of us tried he refused to so much as look at any of us for a full forty-eight hour period as we were on the tour bus travelling.”

Louis took a sip of water.

“It sounds kind of funny when I talk about it like this, however, when you realise how much he was hurting it really isn’t.”   
He shook his head lightly, looking down at the notepad.

“Okay, number three!” He smiled lightly, “This another one me and the boys noticed on tour. Cutting up food before eating it.”   
Louis chuckles lightly.

“I could have worded that better. What I mean is Harry would have, say, a burger and he’s cut up all of the fries, then the bread and then the actual meat into bite size pieces before even attempting to eat any of it.” Louis explained, “I can remember going to a McDonalds with him in LA and he’d brought his own knife and fork with him, knowing that they wouldn’t have any… It’s kind of funny to think about but it is something that is very odd. To be fair, even though he’s recovering, he still does it. Just not quite as much and not into as small pieces.”   
  
Louis took a sip of his water, coughing lightly.

“That was a quick one. Number four was organisation.” Louis laughs lightly before continuing, “Once again, that doesn’t seem so bad but trust me it was odd. Liam and I’d been out and we came back and Harry had organised every food cupboard in the house and he’d get so mad if you put something back in the wrong place… and when I say mad I mean he would yell, have a tantrum, cry. It wasn’t good.” 

Louis explained, “He did the same thing when we went on tour. We got on the tour bus and he told us not to put anything in the cupboards as he wanted to do it to make sure it all went in the right place.”

Louis sighed deeply.

“When we asked him how he was organising it he went off on one, saying it was obvious… It wasn’t until he told me he was diagnosed and I checked the cupboards that I realised the foods he never touched, that were too high in calories were in one cupboard, organised by calorie content. Then the foods he deemed okay but still not great were in another. Then the good food, the low calorie stuff, was in another.” 

Louis now had a tear trailing down his cheek. He quickly wiped it away.

“When I asked him about it he used to get really, really angry… Which uh… well it brings us onto number five.”   
He let out another deep breath, wiping his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m getting a little emotional talking about this… sorry.”   
He took another breath, looking to the side, calming himself down.

When he finally continued his voice was a little shaky.

“Number five, mood swings.” Louis began, “Harry would get upset over small things that to everyone else seemed so insignificant, but to him, they were world ending.”

Louis looked away briefly before looking back.

“He used to be so happy. We could be hanging out, the five of us, joking around, laughing and Harry would be joining it and it would be fun. But, in the space of five seconds he could go from being loud and laughing along, to being extremely quiet and withdrawn and then when you ask him if he was okay it was like a switch would flip and he'd be yelling at us that he’s fine and that we should just leave him alone.” Louis took a breath. “Then he’d storm off and when I’d follow him before he’d even gotten to his room the anger would be gone and he’d just be hysterically crying…” Louis wiped tears from his eyes again. “I’d just hold him when he got like that. I’d hold him for hours, neither of us saying anything… I’d just… I… I’m sorry…” He couldn’t get the words out due to the fact there were now tears freely falling from his eyes.

He took another deep breath before finally saying.

“Those are the five things we came up with. I know that there are lots more but I felt like five was a good number as I didn’t know how long it would take me to get through them all.” He took a sip of water, “I really hope this was okay, this is my first time doing one of these. I think Harry is going to be doing one of these tomorrow although I can’t say for sure. Anyway, thank you for watching, I love you all, goodnight.”   
Louis smiled before closing the laptop, letting out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. Now he understood why Harry was so down today.

He got up from where he was sitting and made two mugs of tea before carrying them into the bedroom.

“H, you okay sweetie?” He asked as he entered the dark room. 

He carefully placed one mug on Harry’s bedside table before placing one on his side. He then climbed into the bed, pulling the younger man close to him.

“I know you’re feeling rubbish, just please try and drink your tea for me.” Louis said quietly.

“I’m sorry Lou,” Harry whispered,

“I know and it’s okay. You don’t need to be sorry. You know I’ll always be here for you, on the good and the bad days.”   
Louis kissed the top of Harry’s head and began gently stroking his hair to soothe the younger man.


	3. Chapter 3

Hello Everyone!  
I hope you're all doing well with back to school season coming up.

Since I go back to sixthform in a week I thought I'd clear some stuff up and explain how often I'll be updating and stuff, while I'm in school.

Currently, I'm off for summer, however, Wednesday 2nd of September will be my first day back at school. My school day runs from 8:50am until 4pm. In that time I will have lessons and will be working and, yeah, you know the drill. But, as I'm in sixthform I will have free lessons. In those lessons I will be doing homework and my driving lessons will also be scheduled in that time. However, on the off chance that I don't have work to do or I finish my work early I will try and work on chapters or one-shots or whatever it is that I'm currently working on on here.

I'm in quite the fortunate situation that, while most of my piers are doing four subjects, I've only chosen to do three (Drama, English Lit and Film Studies - if you're wondering) so, that means I will have a full subject's amount of frees. This is good as most teachers assume the students are doing four and so set work knowing that you're doing three others. This, in theory, means that I should be able to dedicate at least an hour a week of school time to work on my fictions. Obviously, things may come up and I may not be able to write but I will try.

I have a bad habit of getting inspiration and starting multiple fictions and then never finishing them. If you've been around since I started posting my Flarrow and Huntbastian fics then you'll know what I mean. So, much like I did back then with I'm Okay Really and Hurt and Confusion, I'm going to order my fics in a list of priority. What this means is that all other fictions will be put on hold until the one at the top of the list is complete and so on. The only exception to this list will be 'The Little Book of Larry' as that is a book of one-shots that will never really be complete. Also, writing one-shots is a good way of breaking up my writing on other fictions, meaning I won't get bored of writing as I'll always have something else to work on.

The list is as follows:

1) Hear My Words, Not My Voice (one thousand words)

2) Let Me Help You

3) The Styles Guide To Being Beautiful

4) Save Myself

Addressing One Thousand Words, as I've re-written it as Hear My Words, Not My Voice I have decided that on September 1st I will delete One Thousand Words from my account, meaning you will no longer be able to access it. As of this message being posted I will have changed the settings so that only people with Ao3 accounts can access it but in September it will be fully removed.

One final thing!  
I'm creating a new Ao3 account where all of my works will be re-posted, including my older works such as I'm Okay Really and Hurt and Confusion. I won't be deleting any of the fictions from this account straight away, however, I do intend to eventually shut down this account. Once I've completely moved a work I will set it so only registered users can view it and by January 2021 this account will be deleted.

Don't worry! I'm still going to post and read your comments and everything in between now and then but, keep in mind that works are moving. As soon as the new account is set up I will post a link to it.

In the meantime feel free to follow me on Instagram @bohogreenwitch and say hi! I love talking to all of you and it's a great way to interact with you all.  
  


As always, 

All the love,

\- El xoxo


	4. Chapter 4

Hello Everyone! I hope you’re all doing well and are staying safe. 

Some people have commented telling me that my fictions have been re-posted on another account. Whilst usually I would be annoyed by the reposting and thankful that you’d reported it to me but worry not! If you see one of my fictions reposted on an account titled 3ls_fictions then it is not a stolen fic. 3ls_fictions is my new Ao3 account!

Most of my fictions have been moved, links to the moved fictions are linked below.

**The Styles Guide to Being Beautiful:**

[ https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612446 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26612446)

**Hear My Words, Not My Voice (AKA One Thousand Words):**

[ https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160982/chapters/63653257 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26160982/chapters/63653257)

**Let Me Help You:**

[ https://archiveofourown.org/works/26213380/chapters/63796516 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26213380/chapters/63796516)

**Sign of the Times:**

[ https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177044/chapters/63697888 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26177044/chapters/63697888)

**Hurt and Confusion:**

[ https://archiveofourown.org/works/26194057 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26194057)

**I’m Okay Really:**

[ https://archiveofourown.org/works/26158615 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26158615)

There are still more fictions to move and not all of the moved fictions are completely moved and up to date. For example I’ve currently only posted chapter one of ‘The Styles Guide to Being Beautiful’ on 3ls_fictions but I am trying to update them at least once every two to three days!

‘Save Myself’ and ‘The Little Book of Larry’ have yet to move but I will post the first chapter of ‘The Little Book of Larry’ on 3ls_fictions either this afternoon or tomorrow and then I’ll move ‘Save Myself’ either tomorrow or Friday.

By the end of the year all of these fictions will be moved and taken down from this site so be sure to check and subscribe to my new account for updates and uploads:

[ https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ls_fictions/pseuds/3ls_fictions ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/3ls_fictions/pseuds/3ls_fictions)

  
  


I hope you’re all doing well in these times of uncertainty and are looking after yourselves. If you ever need to talk don’t hesitate to comment on one of my fictions, although I don’t use this account to post I still receive emails about the comments so I will see it. If you’d prefer it to be more private then add me on Instagram @bohogreenwitch and send me a direct message. 

I love talking to all of you as you’re all so nice and kind. 

All the love,

El xoxo


End file.
